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The current estimate for opening the bypass is August this year, or September if the weather is against further construction; anyway not January, now past. So what are we, the residents, doing about plans for the future? Getting In On The Act, is my rather cynical feeling. I was at a meeting the other evening convened to draw various interested parties together, under the heading of Coulsdon By-Pass and Town Centre and present were the Coulsdon Millennium Group, East Coulsdon Residents' Association, East Surrey Transport Committee and the Coulsdon Neighbourhood Partnership, as well as Transport for London and Croydon Council. All these had representatives present, but the minutes of the meeting also refer to other Groups, such as the Coulsdon Celebration Steering Group and the Coulsdon Town Centre Improvement Scheme. All these no-doubt worthy organisations have a point to make, indeed in some cases only one point to make. None, so far as I could see, could agree on much if anything, so a lot of time was spent in discussing many various ways of marking the Grand Opening (has to be capitalised, since The Mayor of London, Ken Livingstone no less, intends to be present). Only one idea was thrown out: to close the bypass for a time while the local population walked the walk along it, presumably immediately after Ken has cut a ribbon, or something. Just imagine the fury of the traffic queue back to the M25 while this went on. Poor old Hochtief. At our January meeting, Kenneth Marsh, a lecturer from Hampton Court on matters historical, came to tell us about famous Tudor-period adventurers who opened the world to questing Europeans, building the resulting trade routes round the globe which began our race's control of international economies, only now being challenged by Japan, China and India. The last two should be aware, though, that thirty years ago Japan looked to be the successor to the USA in world trade, only to suffer a frightful collapse from which they are only now starting to recover. We, the two little islands off the NW coast of Europe, are still officially the fourth largest trading nation on Earth. Long may it last. It was, of all places, Portugal that began hunting in the 15th. century, when Henry the Navigator found a sea route to India. This stirred Spain to find another way, which they didn't do at first, only discovering America, for goodness sake. There must be another route to the Indies, we English thought, so Henry Cabot sailed from Bristol looking for the North West passage over Canada, but if he found it, we never knew for he and his men and ships were lost. So what brought about this surge in exploration? Why in the 15th. century? The answer lies in the technology we Europeans had developed by then, giving ships a half chance of navigating across the oceans away from sight of land and finding what they were looking for. It took more than another century to improve their chances, with the development of accurate chronometers. The little matter of being able to design and build ships capable of such voyages came into it, too. Greed, of course, had its share of necessity, so many whom we consider to have been explorers were in fact just trailing Spanish ships laden with gold and silver from South America, all anxious to return to England with prizes for the Queen and alt with an eye to making money and position for themselves. The subject was too big for Kenneth to give us the details of these brave
We welcomed two new members to the Club in January: Michael Wilby, formerly a research chemist who can now concentrate on his hobby relating to medieval warfare, which sounds like an interesting subject for a talk some time. Also, Martin Bergs, a self-adhesive manufacturer; a sort of up-to-date glue boiler I suppose, who now no doubt suffers from bringing into the house he self-adhesive mud from his gardening hobby. Five from our Club, including our Chairman and Secretary went to the Caterham Probus dinner marking their 40th Anniversary. Our lot were treated like Royalty, sat at the top table and all. In pride of place was a bronze bust of the Founder, Harold Blanchard. The speaker was Roger Deayton, an official historian of the Probus movement and he said - so it must be true - that we, Coulsdon Probus, are indeed the second oldest Club in the World. All other claimants are fakes. Phil Munson reports that he has had to cancel the intended outing to the Geffrye Museum, but is giving us details today about a proposed visit in April to Charles Darwin's house in Biggin Hill. We shall probably be able to get there using our own cars and sharing. Darwin has been much in the newspapers recently, what with everyone arguing over his theory of evolution, a doubtful fight, even though it means I am probably descended from an ape. Another Outing: a walk around Godstone on May 16th. There's lots to see there and much history to the village, sited as it is on the 1900-year-old Roman road to Lewes. Another date for your diary: May 24th. when Caterham Probus have organised a Ladies' Dinner at which Richard Stilgoe will be the speaker. Also one of Phil's responsibilities is his Trades & Services list, which is proving its worth as more and more of us are using it and more and more of us are recommending reliable workers. Now both Electrical and Computer repairers are listed, I see on the TV news that Government must have been listening to Phil (or reading our Website and the Newsletter, so they are setting up their own 'trustworthy' list of tradesmen. It's a pity Phil didn't copyright the idea, then we could charge Government a fee to add to our charity money. Charity money, yes: Chairman Jim Mulvey announced at our last meeting that we have some £250 to spend, the result of our recent post-luncheon raffles. Actually, it doesn't really need to go to a charity as such; indeed since charity begins at home, we may decide to spend it on ourselves in some way. Anyhow, yet another piece of paper will be available to you today (who was it who promised us all a paperless office when computers took over?), this one being a questionnaire as about your wishes on how to spend it. 97 Some years ago Her Majesty's Government came to the conclusion that it had very little idea just how it would cope with a really major environmental disaster. It was therefore decided to send civil servants and others from organisations which might be thought to have some interest in the topic up to Yorkshire for a few days to sort things out. I was given the dubious privilege of representing HM Inspectorate of Pollution and for some reason found myself part of a small team which represented the Press Office. Since our number included a genuine Home Office Press Officer I felt relaxed in the belief that this was going to be a sinecure. The scenario gradually unfolded: a tanker collided with the jetty at Canvey Island, releasing vast quantities of liquefied natural gas, a light aircraft flew into the resulting cloud of gas and promptly crashed onto a football stadium; a fire engine rushing to the disaster was involved in a multi vehicle pile up... So it went on, getting more and more unlikely as time went on. Our task as good civil servants was not only to decide what should be done to mitigate the effects of the various events, but also to decide which Department should take the lead in co-ordinating efforts and whether it might be appropriate for the Department to change with the developing scenario. Anyone who has worked for Government will appreciate that this was the most important part of the exercise, since Departments are intensely possessive of their areas of responsibility and end to fight like cat and dog. Somewhere, about the mid point, it was decided to hold a Press Conference and to my dismay my Home Office colleague insisted I take the lead, since he claimed to know nothing about environmental matters. It was all right, though, wasn't it? Our interrogators would only be our colleagues acting the part of the Press, wouldn't they? No such luck! No expense had been spared and we had real environmental correspondents who grilled me mercilessly, to the great delight of my colleagues. The debate continued and Post-it notes covered the walls as we struggled to resolve the thorny issue of which Department should take the lead, looking forward to the Cabinet Secretary's summing up at the end, when all would be revealed. The great man was very brief and to the point: the Prime Minister would appoint someone who had charisma and the trust of the public, perhaps Michael Heseltine, and that would be that. So we packed up and went home with a slight feeling that perhaps our time could have been more usefully spent. [I believe the above, but it called on Civil Servants to make decisions. Roger must have heard of such a one asked by his wife to sort potatoes into three size categories, who collapsed with mental fatigue from ail the decision-making called for.
Produced and edited monthly by Ian Scales (01737 553704)
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