January 2020

Business Meeting 5th December 2019

Chairman, Roger Gourd, welcomed Members (25 present) and our special Christmas guest, Reverend Malcolm Newman. The Chairman, on behalf of the club, expressed our sincerest condolences to Michael Southwell on the loss of his wife Andrea.

Almoner, Andrew Kellard, reported the absences of Roger Davis (happy but not active – visited by Graham Fox), Tony Simpson (happy at home – has fallen again) and Brian Thomas (was hoping to return, but still short of breath – hopefully we will see him in the New Year).

Luncheons: Andrew Kellard (volunteer needed to replace Andrew). Two notified absences too late, so the lunches had to be paid for. Please notify Andrew by 10.30 am the prior Tuesday if you are not able to attend. Also, if you, your partner or another member is unwell please contact Almoner, Andrew Kellard on 01737 554055.

Newsletter: (Vincent Fosdike): Bar Room Reminiscences are genuine. Please keep them coming.
Speakers: (Bob Witham): Booked to August 2020 with several irons in the fire. Collections: Charity £61.34; Raffle £35 to Rev. Malcolm Newman’s charity RNLI.

Quiz November 2019: Dennis Evans was Quizmaster: Raised £366 towards the Chairman’s Charity. Excellent evening with fish’n’chips supper. Five Coulsdon Probus teams, three other Probuses (Sanderstead & Riddlesdown, Tandridge, Warlingham & District) and two Local Residents’ teams one of which was the winner. Thanks were given to Ian and Pauline Payne for organising the event.

Outings: Andrew Banfield is planning a spectacular for next year.

A very happy new year to our members and their families


Today – Ian Payne: What’s in a name?
February 6th – Nick Cook: Health and Safety Gone Mad
March 5 – Chairman’s Charity: Macmillan Cancer Support
April 2nd – George Wildridge: London, Stranger Than Fiction

Reverend Malcolm Newman: Christmas Cheer

It is always good to see “the rev” (Reverend Malcom Newman) when he visits us just before Christmas and true to form he lifted our spirits at our December meeting with his light hearted anecdotes and cheerful manner. He wisely judged that modern current affairs would not go down well so stuck to variations on some classic seasonal stories. I have put them down here as best I can remember the ones I thought you might like to hear again.

  1. Picture the scene in a doctor’s surgery in the Bible belt U.S.A! Anxious mother, pregnant daughter and diplomatic doctor. Mother, “She just can’t be; she’s been properly brought up never ever been near a man, you must be wrong!!!!! Why are you staring out of the window?” . . .
    . . . Doctor, “Well the last recorded case of this involved three wise men and a star and I sure don’t want to miss it this time”.
  2. Another scenario: A Nunnery. The mother superior is ninety eight years old and instructing the nuns with parables and giving blessings. But she is getting tired. The nuns offer her refreshment but dare not suggest strong drink. The mother superior asks for milk from their cow. She duly receives it. One of the more compassionate nuns sees fit to secretively add a little brandy. As the ceremonial duties continue more milk is requested and her energy levels lift visibly. Finally when the day draws to a close it is customary for her to dispense a closing piece of advice for the future. As usual a formal request is made, there is a pause and the mother superior gravely enunciates “whatever may befall the Nunnery however hard things get, there is only one thing you must never do. DON’T SELL THE COW”.
  3. Here is one from the church. One day during the service the congregation was horrified to see the devil burst through the door in full fire-breathing mode! All but one member exited as fast as they could. Just one sat stoically waiting for the next move. The devil taken aback said “don’t you know who I am”? The congregation member gazed back impassively and replied “of course I do, I married your sister forty five years ago”.
  4. Lastly one for the road from Malcom himself. As he recalled he was driving one of his many trustee “minis” around his parish near to Christmas Day and was seasonally attired as Father Christmas and in a jovial mood which was not easily to be dispelled by a mere police check. As he was pulled in he was mockingly identified as Father Christmas and asked where he was driving to and to produce his licence. Whilst doing so he mentioned that he had to drive as his reindeer had flu. This raised the stakes so that it was felt necessary to blow in the bag! Fortunately it went green and he was allowed to go after having his picture taken with the sergeant!

Thanks Malcom for brightening up our pre- Christmas Lunch!

Coulsdon Probus Quiz – November 2019

The Quiz took place on 22nd November at the Cameron Hall, Old Coulsdon. Dennis Evans was quizmaster; supper was fish and chip; ten teams included Probus Clubs: Sanderstead & Riddlesdown, Tandridge and Warlingham & District. Also two local residents’ teams (one the winner). A good time was had by all.

For those who missed the quiz here are a few of the questions:

  1. Which fish is used to make Gravlax?
  2. What is the only USA States name that can be typed using only one row of letters, on a standard English QWERTY keyboard?
  3. On 22nd November 1968 in an episode of ‘ Star Trek ‘, Captain Kirk andLieutenant Uhura caused a controversial sensation, How?
  4. Martin Luther King, Nelson Mandela. Mother Teresa and Aung San Suu Kyihave all been awarded it, but which City hosts the Nobel Peace Prize Ceremony?
  5. a) In England / Wales what is the date on which most people celebrate their Birthday. According to the Office for National Statistics?
    b) And on what date do the least people celebrate their Birthday?
  6. What did the industries of the following City of London Livery Companiesoriginally manufacture? — 
    a) Fletchers,
    b) Cordwainers,
    c) Loriners.
  7. Two athletes who both died in 2018, are associated with the following timelapses, who are they? — 
    a) 3 min 59.4 sec,
    b) 4 min 59.6 sec.
  8. The majority of footballs used in Association Football are spherical, 68 / 70 cm (27 / 28″) in circumference, and are made of 32 panels, using two types ofpolygon in the pattern to make the ball. — Can you name these two shapes?
  9. Can you name these animals? — 
    a) Otherwise known as the Scaly Anteater,reputed to be the most trafficked animal in the World,
    b) A marsupial who produces cubic faeces.
  10. On what date is ‘Star Wars Day’?
  11. Every British Monarch since King Harold has had their Coronation inWestminster Abbey, with two exceptions, can you name them?
  12. Cities that had their name changed to disassociate themselves from BritishColonial Rule : – 
    a) CHENNAI in India changed its name from what in 1996?
    b) YANGON in Myanmar (Burma) changed its name from what in 1989?
    c) TSCHWANE in South Africa is a name proposed for what City?
  13. In the American Civil War (1861 / 1865), 11 Confederate States seceded from the Union, of those 3 have a name in which there are 4 of the same vowel repeated, can you name them?
  14. What famous and impressive World Landmark was built by bonding the bricks with a mixture of glutinous rice and slaked lime?
  15. In Los Angeles the ‘Hollywood Walk of Fame’ has over 2600 five pointed stars embedded in the sidewalk, most honouring stars in the entertainment industry. Only one is set in a wall, as it must not be walked on, whose is it?
  16. ‘Hansel & Gretel’: 
    a) Who wrote the folk fairy tale?
    b) Who wrote the opera?
    c) Who topped the UK music song charts in 1967 with ‘The Last Waltz’?
  17. Can you name the make of car driven by the following television detectives?
    a) Inspector Morse,
    b) Lieutenant Columbo,
    c) Detective Sergeant Bergerac.
  18. a) What is the number of pots a snooker player needs to make in order to score amaximum break of 147?
    b) How many numbers are on a roulette wheel, not counting ‘0’ or ‘00’? c) How many players in total in four baseball teams?

QUIZ Results

Table Team Number in Team Position
1 Pauline Payne & Guests 5 7
2 Alan Green & Guests 8 8
3 Sanderstead & Riddlesdown 6 2
4 Tandridge 8 4=
5 Malcolm Guest & Guests 7 10
6 Peter Wilson & Guests 6 6
7 Bob Witham & Guests 3 9
8 Warlingham & District 4 4=
9 Andrew Banfield & Jenny
Vincent Fosdike & Hakima
4 3
10 Charles King & Guests 6 1

QUIZ Answers
Don’t read these answers until you’ve tried the questions

  1. Raw Salmon with Salt, Sugar and Dill [Gravlax is one of the foods used by astronauts, as Dill in particular is a good antiflatulent. Stomach problems are common as they travel round the Earth at 5 miles per second, in a very confined space. Flatulence is not just antisocial, but the methane let loose could cause an explosion, with the total destruction of spacecraft and crew.]
  2. Alaska [Middle row: A.S.D.F.G.H.J.K.L.]
  3. The first interracial kiss [Martin Luther King was delighted when this happened]
  4. Oslo, Norway [The Nobel Prizes for: Literature / Physics / Chemistry /Economics & Medicine are awarded in Stockholm, Sweden]
  5. a) 26th September [Not much else to do around Christmas]b) 29th February [Only one every four years]
  6. a) Arrow Makers,
    b) Shoe Makers,
    c) Equestrian metal tack, spurs, bits, stirrups etc.
  7. 7a) Sir Roger Bannister. First man to run a sub 4 minute mile on 6th May 1954.
    b) Diane Leather. The first woman to run a sub 5 minute mile on 29th May 1954.
  8. 12 Regular Pentagons / 5 sides + 20 Regular Hexagons / 6 sides
    [The town of Sialkotin in the Punjab, Pakistan, produces more than half of the worlds footballs, 40 / 60 million a year.]
  9. a) Pangolin [A tongue longer than its body, meat a delicacy in folk medicine]b) Wombat [You won’t use OXO cubes any more][Prince Williams nickname is Wombat]. [In office speak regarding meetings, WOMBAT stands for a Waste of Money, Brains and Time]
  10. May 4th [May the Force be with you]
  11. Edward V one of the Princes killed in the Tower of London&. Edward VIII abdicated in 1936.
  12. a) MADRAS,
    b) RANGOON,
    c) PRETORIA.
  13. AlAbAmA : tEnnEssEE : mIssIssIppI.
    [The other 8 are: Florida: Georgia: Arkansas: Louisiana: North Carolina: South Carolina: Texas: Virginia]
  14. The Great Wall of China.
  15. Muhammad Ali [You cannot walk on the prophet]
  16. a) Brothers Grimm, Wilhelm & Jacob.
    b) Engelbert Humperdinck
    c) Engelbert Humperdinck [Arnold George Dorsey]
  17. a) 1960 2.4 litre Mk II Jaguar [But in the book by Colin Dexter he drove a Lancia].
    b) 1959 Peugeot Convertible 403.
    c) 1947 Triumph Roadster.
  18. a) 36,
    b) 36,
    c) 36

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